Four Weddings: Remember the Daze

Okay. Now, I’m watching her watching them. I almost feel kinda like an interloper. I’d never be invited to their affair. Now, the weddings on TV, for sure. I’d fit right in. In fact, I like the show Four Weddings. I love it a lot. It relaxes me to watch these gals dream of a fairytale wedding on television. Just like Miss Manafort does.

The one sister, Jessica, Jess, has had all her info scrubbed from the internet. You can’t tell even when she married her dreamboat, real estate ‘magnate’ Jeffrey Yohai. That kinda takes a bit of detective work sifting through the two hundred and eighty some-odd thousand texts hijacked off her sister, Andrea’s iphone. But, I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s go back to Four Weddings.

It’s fun to watch the blushing brides show off their lacy frilly gowns. Their dream themes. What are some of your favorites? Nurses, lawyers and brides-to-be from all walks of life are featured picking out their dresses, food, decorations, flowers, color and themes. Some of them can be kind of tacky like the racetrack episode.

Here I am watching Andrea Manafort watch the tv shows. It’s 2015 and this is gonna be one high dolla’ day. Her dad
can afford it. He’s got cash stashed around everywhere...and beyond. She complains about him getting a little bit picky, suggesting hot dogs for the wedding kickoff party and 86’ing the ice.

The theme according to Wedding Style Magazine was ‘ethereal’ and ‘classic.’ Ethereal is ‘light in a way that seems to perfect for this world’ which, to me, clashes with classic which means ‘instructively typical.’ It makes you head spin a little. But, the dress is an Inbral Dror out of Israel. No price tag was available, but on the buy-it-used page, the retail market’s about 10 grand. That doesn’t include the Peter Langner veil or the Oscar de la Renta shoes.

Which reminds me of a funny story. Years ago, when I was a small lad of only a couple ideas, Mrs. de la Renta, Françoise, and Oscar attended a party for Mick Jagger. This was during the Bianca Jagger phase. At a very large dinner table filled with hoi polloi, Françoise stated in her thick accent, ‘the birthday boy looks like an ape.’ It was loud enough to be recorded for history and me to hear about it. Anyways, those shoes don’t come cheap.

Andrea’s hacked texts provide a little observation into the festivities.

“I feel like everyone just lets my dad be a tyrant and there are no consequences."
"He gets to have his fake family holidays."
"I had that same problem a couple years ago"
"He raped my mother Collin."
"Jess knows?"
"And I looked the other way Bc I wanted to get thru my wedding."
"Have one moment of happiness."
"He made her have sex with other men."
"For a decade."
"Jesus"
"Many men."
"At once."
"one time it was 6 black men in a hotel room"
"i hate him jessica. i think i hate him."
"we are making a sbux run"
"she says that when its a private activity its only men"
"And they put it on internet websites?"
"he puts her dating profile on websites to arrange meet ups"
"things got worse if you can believe it"

Dang. Talk about your ethereal! Shit’s too racy for Four Weddings, but, be sure to Say Yes to the Dress. I’m willing to put money on none of the show themes holding a candle to six black men and your mom in a hotel room. This one takes the cake and wins the honeymoon prize package. TLC, The Learning Channel. I’ll say!

All the bridal shows start to mesh together in your head and leave you feeling like you ate too much wedding cake. That damn sugar is Satan! Bridezilla. All that work and stress and effort for one event that everybody pretty much bitches about afterward. According to the American Psychological Association, 40% to 50% of these fancy unions wind up divorced. When you factor in the millions their daddies fork out to pay for all the food and folderol, it’s kind of mesmerizing. You might have guessed already, but I’m not one who stands for ceremony.

For our purposes, we are examining four weddings like the TV show, but ours takes a detour. So, if you please, stay with me. Said to be one of the most expensive weddings in modern times, the price tag for Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s nuptials set somebody back over a million. Her famous dress was inspired by Grace Kelly and designed by Vera Wang estimated to cost $50,000. Ms. Wang noted that Miss Trump was very centered on being ‘covered.’ No nakedness and room to dance.

“Just finished a gorgeous hike. The leaves are spectacular and the sun is shining. Everything is simply perfect! I’m getting married today!” The bride to be tweeted about her big day. Always time to tweet.

Little known fact. Melania’s wedding dress cost double the price tag on Ivanka’s get up and took over 500 hours to make. She had two wedding dresses, both white, proving anybody can wear white. Who’d a known?

The day was like a fairy tale. Ivanka Trump likes to sell herself as America’s princess. On October 25, 2009, America’s princess tied the knot with the man of her dreams, Jared Kushner, each out-whispering the other when it came time to recite their vows.

When it came time to dance, the couple cut a rug to David Gray whose specialty is romantic songs for white people. Jared’s dad, jailbird Charles, toasted, “Look, everyone thinks she's great, but being Jewish is just unbelievably important to us, and she's not Jewish. It's a problem for me, a genuine problem. Then I watched and got to see she's in love with my son and it wasn't what I thought in the beginning. I feel right about it.”

Blast from the French Revolution past, Ivanka’s cake was obscenely huge. “The wedding cake was 70 inches tall with 13 layers. It was adorned with flowers like roses, peonies, baby’s breath and lilies of the valley in colors like pink ivory, white, and cream. Each of the 500 guests chose between slices of chocolate, almond, yellow, and carrot flavor cake.

The confection was created by Sylvia Weinstock. “Each layer was ringed with flowers.”

Our Four Weddings redux features one that didn’t quite make it to the alter.

I am listening to İstanbul, 

intent, my eyes closed:


At first there is a gentle breeze


And the leaves on the trees

Softly sway;

Out there, far away,

The bells of water-carriers unceasingly ring;

I am listening to İstanbul,
intent, my eyes closed.

Hatice Cengiz sat for a long time in the car waiting for Jamal. She looked at the leaves framing the building where he had entered to secure paperwork for their pending marriage. How green the trees were even though fall was in the air. She thought about their preparations and home. She was happy. They’d talked about their plans to begin their new life. Together.

This was the second visit. They had gone a week before in September. She was very much in love with Jamal. He was her soulmate. Someone once said the perfect union is being with someone who makes you want to be a better person and you wish the same for them. Hatice described meeting Jamal as ‘beautiful,’ and as they’d found a common ground in their shared passion for the Middle East. “When I first met him he was a mature, thoughtful, very compassionate, very emotional person who likes to help people.”

After three long hours, Hatice finally asked the consulate staff for information. She is told he had already left the building through the back door.

What happened afterwards has consumed the entire world. The Saudis stuck to their story that Khashoggi had left through a back entrance, when, in reality, Jamal Khashoggi had disappeared into the crisp autumn Istanbul landscape. Poof.

Drip by drip, the Turks began to release information regarding the horrible truth. What is thought to have occurred is worse than any movie. And, I’m talking Texas Chainsaw Massacre here. Fourteen Saudis were documented traveling to the embassy with a bone saw. Recordings have surfaced with direct contact with Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia calling the shots.

The weeks that followed the murder and dismemberment of Jamal Khashoggi were punctuated with bits of media. Accompanying the headlines are statements from Donald Trump pledging his troth to the Saudis with a bunch of bullarky like the U.S.A. depends on their oil and weapon deals.

Backchannel Jared has kept up a communication with his friend, the prince, by advising him on oily ways to weasel out of the tight spot.

People like fatface Mike Pompeo and suspected fellow torturer Gina Haspel have listened to the tapes. What has been released are Jamal Khashoggi’s last words...

“I can’t breathe….
   ...I can’t breathe…..
          ....I can’t breathe.....”


I am listening to İstanbul, intent, my eyes closed.
A bird flutters round your skirt;
On your brow, is there sweet?
Or not ? I know.
Are your lips wet?
Or not? I know.
A silver moon rises beyond the pine trees:
I can sense it all in your heart’s throbbing.
I am listening to İstanbul,
intent, my eyes closed.