Must Love Dog!

Here's what your old buddy, the Dossier done dug up on the internet. Just about the time Donald Trump is comparing Melania to Jackie Kennedy, the Dossier found a write up about a German Shepherd and what sure looks like Melania photo taken in some old 1994 New York City motel room during a two day photo shoot. Wow! Arf Arf!

Asked about the photos, your president called the first 'lady's' work with the dog 'fashionable' and 'common.' Wow. Just plain, wow.

The current first lady who goes by a full on dog pack of names, Melania Knauss, Melania Trump, Melania K, Melanie, also has a so called affinity for man's best friend. In her case, a German Shepherd Dog!

According to a write up on TDAlliance.com, calling itself the Fox News Facebook Feedback page, a
conservative christian's way to look at the government and today's news, Melania Trump had sex with a German Shepherd dog in the two day lesbian-themed photo shoot in a New York City motel room.

Says the article:

"Four years before she met husband Donald Trump, Melania Trump was filmed in a nude frolic with another female model, bombshell photos obtained exclusively by Russian hackers."

"The lesbian-themed pics are from a two-day photo shoot in Manhattan in 1994, when Melania Knauss, as she was called, was 24 years old and modeling under the name Aleska Diamond."

"Several were featured on nakedskanks.com, a now-defunct French men’s fapping site, more than 20 years ago. Others have never been seen until now."

"The raciest of the videos shows Melania lying nude in a bed as porn actress Tila Tequila does dirty things to her."

"This is beauty and not porn,” said Putain de Perver, the French porn mogul who snapped the pictures. “I am always shocked by the porn industry because they are destroying the emotion and the essence of purity and simplicity and all the art things that come with hot screwing.”"

"The shoot took place in a motel room that doubled as a photo studio, said de Perver, a Paris artist and porn videographer who was briefly jailed in New York in the mid-90s."

"Melania behaved like a true professional during one of the nighttime shoots, the source said."

"She was charming throughout, said the source, adding that the video lesbian theme didn’t faze her."

"She was always smiling and moaning, with a very pleasant personality and was polite and very well educated."

"Melania had recently arrived in the city from modeling stints in Paris and Milan at the time. In Gotham, she was booked for mostly commercial work and was later featured in an ad for Trojan condoms, the source told Fox News."

"In addition to the lesbian-themed video, de Perver took several nude pictures of Melania getting intimate with a dog."

"Asked about the video, Donald Trump said: Melania was one of the most successful models, and she did many nude videos, including the ones I took of her. This was a picture taken for a European men’s website prior to my knowing Melania. In Europe, videos like this are very fashionable and common."

"The Slovenian-born beauty, now 46, first met Trump at a Fashion Week party in 1998. They married in January 2005 and have one son, Baron, 10."

"Wow," says the Dossier. "You be the judge, but that sure looks like Melina K or Melania Trump or Melanie in the photo. Maybe we could get Larry Flynt to buy up the video and photos so we could put this matter to bed, so to speak."

The eye is in the beholder, but that hairdo and build sure looks the same. Hmm.

Four Weddings: Remember the Daze

Okay. Now, I’m watching her watching them. I almost feel kinda like an interloper. I’d never be invited to their affair. Now, the weddings on TV, for sure. I’d fit right in. In fact, I like the show Four Weddings. I love it a lot. It relaxes me to watch these gals dream of a fairytale wedding on television. Just like Miss Manafort does.

The one sister, Jessica, Jess, has had all her info scrubbed from the internet. You can’t tell even when she married her dreamboat, real estate ‘magnate’ Jeffrey Yohai. That kinda takes a bit of detective work sifting through the two hundred and eighty some-odd thousand texts hijacked off her sister, Andrea’s iphone. But, I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s go back to Four Weddings.

It’s fun to watch the blushing brides show off their lacy frilly gowns. Their dream themes. What are some of your favorites? Nurses, lawyers and brides-to-be from all walks of life are featured picking out their dresses, food, decorations, flowers, color and themes. Some of them can be kind of tacky like the racetrack episode.

Here I am watching Andrea Manafort watch the tv shows. It’s 2015 and this is gonna be one high dolla’ day. Her dad
can afford it. He’s got cash stashed around everywhere...and beyond. She complains about him getting a little bit picky, suggesting hot dogs for the wedding kickoff party and 86’ing the ice.

The theme according to Wedding Style Magazine was ‘ethereal’ and ‘classic.’ Ethereal is ‘light in a way that seems to perfect for this world’ which, to me, clashes with classic which means ‘instructively typical.’ It makes you head spin a little. But, the dress is an Inbral Dror out of Israel. No price tag was available, but on the buy-it-used page, the retail market’s about 10 grand. That doesn’t include the Peter Langner veil or the Oscar de la Renta shoes.

Which reminds me of a funny story. Years ago, when I was a small lad of only a couple ideas, Mrs. de la Renta, Françoise, and Oscar attended a party for Mick Jagger. This was during the Bianca Jagger phase. At a very large dinner table filled with hoi polloi, Françoise stated in her thick accent, ‘the birthday boy looks like an ape.’ It was loud enough to be recorded for history and me to hear about it. Anyways, those shoes don’t come cheap.

Andrea’s hacked texts provide a little observation into the festivities.

“I feel like everyone just lets my dad be a tyrant and there are no consequences."
"He gets to have his fake family holidays."
"I had that same problem a couple years ago"
"He raped my mother Collin."
"Jess knows?"
"And I looked the other way Bc I wanted to get thru my wedding."
"Have one moment of happiness."
"He made her have sex with other men."
"For a decade."
"Jesus"
"Many men."
"At once."
"one time it was 6 black men in a hotel room"
"i hate him jessica. i think i hate him."
"we are making a sbux run"
"she says that when its a private activity its only men"
"And they put it on internet websites?"
"he puts her dating profile on websites to arrange meet ups"
"things got worse if you can believe it"

Dang. Talk about your ethereal! Shit’s too racy for Four Weddings, but, be sure to Say Yes to the Dress. I’m willing to put money on none of the show themes holding a candle to six black men and your mom in a hotel room. This one takes the cake and wins the honeymoon prize package. TLC, The Learning Channel. I’ll say!

All the bridal shows start to mesh together in your head and leave you feeling like you ate too much wedding cake. That damn sugar is Satan! Bridezilla. All that work and stress and effort for one event that everybody pretty much bitches about afterward. According to the American Psychological Association, 40% to 50% of these fancy unions wind up divorced. When you factor in the millions their daddies fork out to pay for all the food and folderol, it’s kind of mesmerizing. You might have guessed already, but I’m not one who stands for ceremony.

For our purposes, we are examining four weddings like the TV show, but ours takes a detour. So, if you please, stay with me. Said to be one of the most expensive weddings in modern times, the price tag for Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner’s nuptials set somebody back over a million. Her famous dress was inspired by Grace Kelly and designed by Vera Wang estimated to cost $50,000. Ms. Wang noted that Miss Trump was very centered on being ‘covered.’ No nakedness and room to dance.

“Just finished a gorgeous hike. The leaves are spectacular and the sun is shining. Everything is simply perfect! I’m getting married today!” The bride to be tweeted about her big day. Always time to tweet.

Little known fact. Melania’s wedding dress cost double the price tag on Ivanka’s get up and took over 500 hours to make. She had two wedding dresses, both white, proving anybody can wear white. Who’d a known?

The day was like a fairy tale. Ivanka Trump likes to sell herself as America’s princess. On October 25, 2009, America’s princess tied the knot with the man of her dreams, Jared Kushner, each out-whispering the other when it came time to recite their vows.

When it came time to dance, the couple cut a rug to David Gray whose specialty is romantic songs for white people. Jared’s dad, jailbird Charles, toasted, “Look, everyone thinks she's great, but being Jewish is just unbelievably important to us, and she's not Jewish. It's a problem for me, a genuine problem. Then I watched and got to see she's in love with my son and it wasn't what I thought in the beginning. I feel right about it.”

Blast from the French Revolution past, Ivanka’s cake was obscenely huge. “The wedding cake was 70 inches tall with 13 layers. It was adorned with flowers like roses, peonies, baby’s breath and lilies of the valley in colors like pink ivory, white, and cream. Each of the 500 guests chose between slices of chocolate, almond, yellow, and carrot flavor cake.

The confection was created by Sylvia Weinstock. “Each layer was ringed with flowers.”

Our Four Weddings redux features one that didn’t quite make it to the alter.

I am listening to İstanbul, 

intent, my eyes closed:


At first there is a gentle breeze


And the leaves on the trees

Softly sway;

Out there, far away,

The bells of water-carriers unceasingly ring;

I am listening to İstanbul,
intent, my eyes closed.

Hatice Cengiz sat for a long time in the car waiting for Jamal. She looked at the leaves framing the building where he had entered to secure paperwork for their pending marriage. How green the trees were even though fall was in the air. She thought about their preparations and home. She was happy. They’d talked about their plans to begin their new life. Together.

This was the second visit. They had gone a week before in September. She was very much in love with Jamal. He was her soulmate. Someone once said the perfect union is being with someone who makes you want to be a better person and you wish the same for them. Hatice described meeting Jamal as ‘beautiful,’ and as they’d found a common ground in their shared passion for the Middle East. “When I first met him he was a mature, thoughtful, very compassionate, very emotional person who likes to help people.”

After three long hours, Hatice finally asked the consulate staff for information. She is told he had already left the building through the back door.

What happened afterwards has consumed the entire world. The Saudis stuck to their story that Khashoggi had left through a back entrance, when, in reality, Jamal Khashoggi had disappeared into the crisp autumn Istanbul landscape. Poof.

Drip by drip, the Turks began to release information regarding the horrible truth. What is thought to have occurred is worse than any movie. And, I’m talking Texas Chainsaw Massacre here. Fourteen Saudis were documented traveling to the embassy with a bone saw. Recordings have surfaced with direct contact with Mohammed bin Salman, the crown prince of Saudi Arabia calling the shots.

The weeks that followed the murder and dismemberment of Jamal Khashoggi were punctuated with bits of media. Accompanying the headlines are statements from Donald Trump pledging his troth to the Saudis with a bunch of bullarky like the U.S.A. depends on their oil and weapon deals.

Backchannel Jared has kept up a communication with his friend, the prince, by advising him on oily ways to weasel out of the tight spot.

People like fatface Mike Pompeo and suspected fellow torturer Gina Haspel have listened to the tapes. What has been released are Jamal Khashoggi’s last words...

“I can’t breathe….
   ...I can’t breathe…..
          ....I can’t breathe.....”


I am listening to İstanbul, intent, my eyes closed.
A bird flutters round your skirt;
On your brow, is there sweet?
Or not ? I know.
Are your lips wet?
Or not? I know.
A silver moon rises beyond the pine trees:
I can sense it all in your heart’s throbbing.
I am listening to İstanbul,
intent, my eyes closed.

Fade in, ya'll...

The stark apartment is bare except for a little television, a turntable, some vinyl record albums and of course, a laptop. The screen features the star of this story.

Hey, there. Let me fill ya in a little bit. The dossier is similar to an FBI 302 form or a DEA 6 form. Both of those forms are used by special agents of the FBI and DEA, respectively, to record what they are told by witnesses during investigations.

You don’t know me, but give me a second to explain myself. I was only created in 2016. You might even say both me and the now sitting president were both born at the same time. Here’s a little blast from the past to refresh your memory.

I know what you’re thinking. How can just 35 little old pages cause so much uproar? Well, whatever you make your mind up on, remember this. I will go down in history as the Trump-Russia Dossier. Pretty lofty, huh?

Here’s a little bit about how I was created. You can fundamentally call me an intelligence report. But, I’m not a boring one. I’m always one for a page turner, a pot boiler. Who wants to read musty old documents filled with long words and names you can’t pronounce? Right? I knew you and me’d get along. So, let’s dive in, shall we?

I was written around June through December of 2016 by Chris Steele, a former British spy. He headed up the Russia Desk for MI6 or British Intelligence. More on Christopher later. This part’s about me. One thing, though. It’s always worth noting that no matter how conventional the Brits may act, they’ve got a real handle on salacious topics. Some of their stuff even makes me blush!  

He calls it the Dossy-er. That's how Brits talk.

What you’ll find once you start familiarizing yourself with my insides is a ton of smarmy allegations regarding the misconduct and conspiracy (thank you, Wikipedia) between Russia and the Donald J. Trump presidential campaign. Did I say smarmy? Look it up. Unctuous, ingratiating, slick, oily, greasy, obsequious, sycophantic, fawning. And, that’s putting it mildly.

The whole effort had been to undermine Hillary Clinton’s candidacy and throw the race to Donald Trump, arguably the Kremlin’s choice for the most powerful position in the world, President of the United States. 

It couldn’t have got going good without Fusion GPS, a private investigation firm. Picture this. Mannix, 2015. This company, quite successful, is run by Glenn R. Simpson, a former investigative reporter and journalist for Roll Call and The Wall Street Journal and Peter Fritsch, former Wall Street Journal senior editor and WSJ journalist Thomas Catan. 

Now Fusion was first hired by The Washington Free Beacon, a conservative website, to do opposition research on Donald Trump and some other candidates. When Trump was nearing the Republican party nomination, Washington Free Beacon bowed out and halted funding on the project. A law firm, Perkins Cole, stepped in on behalf of the Clinton campaign to take up the reigns. 

Around June of 2016, note this month, because a lot of shit will be going down around this time…but, for now, it’s when Chris Steele enters the picture. He was tasked by Fusion to ‘seek answers to why Trump would “repeatedly seek to do deals in a notoriously corrupt police state.”’ What a mouthful, right? To be fair, the Clinton camp claims they were ‘unaware’ of Steele’s hire. 

We all know what happened later on in 2016. Trump was elected and the funding hereby was ceased. My guess here is that Glenn Simpson committed to finishing the project and paid Steele directly. Finally, the Dossier, that’s me, was turned over to British and American intelligence. 

You know how some people are. They get wind of something scandalous and they want to shoot the messenger. Just remember this. I wasn’t the one who peed on anybody. Okay? Some of those media and intel folk have acted all la-ti-da and hands off, but when the shit started getting real and Mr. Mueller started shooting out the indictments, they all started changing their minds. Once ‘corroboration’ and the like started getting thrown around at the cocktail parties, the old Dossier didn’t seem so awful and everybody started getting their backs back down.

You might recall hearing about me when Buzzfeed published me for the first time in January 2016. Whoo-hoo. Boy, the shit hit the fan that night. I met a lot of stars in the galaxy if you want to call it that. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. I have a tendency to do that.

A lone pigeon sits outside on a telephone wire. It’s dusk and the night color is turning a dark gray. 

It all started with, well, the part you care about, anyways, when CNN broke that story about the two page memo. Remember? That was the one intelligence had given to President Obama. Remember him? It seems like a century of generations ago. They informed President Obama, 8 members of congress and the villain of this saga, Donald J. Trump. 

What’s left of the light outside illuminates the table. 

I'm talking at you from the laptap, where I sleep like Dracula. I'm a cross between Dracula and Sponge Bob, but a lot more edgy. And dark. I love dark. The printed words form a cartoon figure, pale cream-colored with arms and legs, hands and feet. When I'm not worn out, I can jump around right out of the computer. You can't hear it, but my feet make a plop, plop, plop sound. 

Look with me. Over there's a reporter sitting there in his chair with a half-finished glass of beer. The beer is warm and he can’t even remember drinking it. Or pouring it into the glass in the first place. The television is tuned into CNN. 

The nice-looking face of Jake Tapper appears on the screen. 

He always seems so nice, Jake does. “CNN has now learned that the nation’s top intelligence officials have provided information to President-Elect Donald Trump and President Barack Obama last week about claims of Russian efforts to compromise President-Elect Trump. The information was provided as part of last week’s classified intelligence briefings regarding Russian efforts to undermine the U.S. elections.

The screen cuts to Jim Sciutto. 

They could be brothers, Jim and Jake. Doncha’ think?

Jim Sciutto says, “I want to be very precise here. Multiple U.S. officials with direct knowledge of the briefings tell CNN that classified documents on Russian interference of the 2016 election presented last week to President Obama and President-Elect Trump included allegations that Russian operatives claimed to have compromising personal and financial information about Mr. Trump. The allegations were part of a two-page synopsis. These were based on memos compiled by a former British intelligence operative whose past work U.S. officials consider credible. The F.B.I. is now investigating the credibility and accuracy of the allegations which are based primarily on information from Russian sources, but the F.B.I. has not confirmed many essential details in the memos about Mr. Trump.”

Do you remember what you were doing when the news broke? Boy, I do! I can still hear the palpitations clear across the country. But, meanwhile, back on the ranch. What you'll want to know is how it all got started.

A real James Bond kinda guy, and British to boot, was hired by a strategic intel firm, Fusion GPS to gather data on Donald Trump. Now they, Fusion, had been kicking it around since sometime in 2015 when a very irate, but well-heeled Republican was funding the project. Honest. You can’t make this shit up!

Anyways, after Trump won the G.O.P nomination, the Republican shied off the project and took his moolah with him. Luckily, some equally deep-pocketed Democrats were willing to take up the slack.

Back on TV, a crowd is shouting, “Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!"

Yeah, I know. I know. You get the idea. But, let’s not let the cart get away from the horse. Dr. Zhivago-like haha.

He holds up his big clown hands and makes a down motions with them. 

Then, when the Democratic National Committee got hacked and Wikileaks…more on that later…keep your pants on…published their emails, James Bond a.k.a. Christopher Steele was hired by Fusion. Are you still with me?

Now, like I said, this guy’s the real deal. He comes with MI6 creds and the secret assets to back it up. You’ve seen the shows. Sean Connery was the best, right? It’s really like that and if you don’t believe me, follow my good buddy, Malcolm Nance on Twitter. It is. Really like that.